According to recent studies and research, Lapu-Lapu, the ripped Cebuano we all know who kicked Magellan's ass in battle of Mactan….
….is in fact a fat old datu who never stood from his throne.
The fearless datu who supposedly drove the final kill with his mighty Kampilan (30-inch badass sword forged by Filipino blacksmiths) into the invader's neck actually did not even participate in the battle itself.
Note: the Battle of Mactan is the only battle in Filipino history where we actually WON. all battles after this, we all got our asses kicked.
The facts of the battle:
Ferdinand Magellan was an old soldier and never commandeered a ship prior to the command of the Victoria. He first approached the Portuguese government to grant him a fleet that he needs to "pursue the greater glory of the kingdom" or more accurately, his dreams of conquest. But the throne denied him of his request due to several political incidents in his military years. But this did not stop the old soldier in realizing his dreams. He then went to Spain to ask the government of the same thing. For some reason, he either thought it was genius to approach the primary competition of Portugal in world domination or he was just plain desperate to get his fleet.
Eventually, the Spanish throne under Charles V granted him 5 dilapidated and creaking vessels: Santiago, San Antonio, Conception, Victoria and Trinidad. His mission was to establish a link between the Spice Islands and Spain. Not to conquer anything. Just to make sure that Spain had access to the spice islands. By this time you should see that luck was really not on this guy's side. When the Portuguese heard about this, the Portuguese king ordered for the ambush and capture of Magellan. He was considered a traitor to his country. Thus their expedition was hampered by several times they had to evade the angry pursuing Portuguese fleet. On his way to Asia westward his crew conducted two mutinies. In the Pacific, they landed on an island named Ladrones (which meant land of thieves) and had another unfortunate incident because the natives stole their supplies and some of their small boats.
In the Philippines, he made a political alliance (immortalized by the famous blood compact). He promised the chief of Cebu (Humabon) to aid him in his war against the chief of Mactan (Lapu Lapu) Big mistake. The mission clearly stated that the relationship remain economic and not political. They say Magellan did this because he had an agenda ala Hernan Cortez
The rocky waters of Mactan failed to give the galleys of Magellan the desired shore landing they wanted. about 50 Spaniards disembarked in full battle armor (almost 50lbs?) , in waist deep rocky waters, hundreds of meters from the beach, where almost two thousand (yes, 2000) Filipinos are shouting, screaming and taunting the poor Spaniards. A few soldiers had to remain to guard the small boats as Magellan and his troops try to shoot the "natives" with their cross bows and muskets. and since 16th century ballistics technology does not offer sniper-like functions and the accuracy of a modern rifle, firing for almost 30 minutes (the projectiles did not even reach the beach or hit anyone) the Spaniards soon wasted their ammunition. (Plus the water practically made their cross bows useless because it got wet.) Magellan then sent 2 Spaniards to the Mactan tribe to supposedly burn the houses down. (another big mistake since the houses were built on light materials and could easily be rebuilt, so another nonsense) they managed to burn a few houses before the women of the tribe was able to capture them and killed them. By the time they were near the shore they were greeted by a signature Filipino combat maneuver (commonly found riots in urban areas). imagine 2000 people throwing rocks, sand, spears, pots, practically anything they can be called a projectile in unison to 30+ men. total disaster for Magellan. and after the first barrage of rocks, sand, pots, etc. the same thousand rush to the 30+ poor Spanish soldiers and tear them to pieces. Lapu Lapu was no where to be found.
2000 against 36 men… no wonder they lost. ambot lang ug mapildi pa plus homecourt advantage pa gyud.
Prior to this knowledge, for some reason, i always pictured Lapu Lapu looked like Gardo Versoza.
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